optimism is mania for insisting that everything is all right when everything is going wrong.

And so, it's another year. And we're all doing the same goddamn thing. Fighting and crying and dying. Fucking and trying and lying and all that other shit we do to try and keep ourselves sane. And it's the same shit, over and over again. We're 16, 17, 18, hell even you "adults" over 20. and we're all just doing the same thing. Fighting to get the fuck out of here, get someone. We're all running and trying and burning out our headlights, simply trying to get somewhere. Somewhere that isn't here.

And we're sitting in our little coffehouses, sipping our coffee and smoking our cigarettes, acting like we're so much older than we are. Like we know so much more than we do. And we're talking marriage and soulmates. And we're all so goddamn sure that we've found the one, because we're all so scared to be alone. Scared that if this isn't the one, there never will be one. And so we burrow down with the first one that comes, and we're determined that this is it.

But let me tell you: There will be many lovers, many 'soulmates'. And they will destroy you. They'll leave you for someone else, they'll not want you anymore. Something will happen, and your heart will be broken. Trust me, it'll happen.

And we'll all sit there and beg that it's different, that they won't leave. We'll sit there and hold onto them, forever and ever. We'll promise ourselves that we'll keep fighting for them, that we'll never let them go.

When in reality, all we should be searching for is someone to live for.
Because dying for someone is easy.
Destroying yourself for someone is easy.
Telling yourself you're worthless, that no one will ever want you like that... that that person was it, that they'll never be another like them... that shit's all very easy. Destruction of self is easy. You are, after all, your own worst enemy.

What's harder, is living for someone.
Telling yourself it'll be better, that you'll find someone new is goddamn fucking hard. Getting over someone that you sincerely loved with all your heart, your soul, your very essence is so fucking hard.
But if you don't, you'll never know what it's like to love.
You'll never know what it's like to live for someone.

Because even after all the shit that I've been through, I am still so sure that the world is full of love. That there is enough love in this world to live for.

And so you'll continue to sit, and beg any God you know for the One. And you'll bemoan every significant other that leaves you, and promise there'll never be another. The good thing about the most of you, is that you're fickle beings, who will fall in love within a month. But for the rest of you...

If you don't live for the ones that you could love, what will become of you? You all know. You'll drown in your own self pity, and fuck the girls that want you, and watch them walk away, licking their wounds, as you dream of your past. And every one of them that you could have loved, that could have been the one, will slowly walk away from you.
And you'll continue to die, for no reason other than selfishness.

And so we will sit here, and smoke our cigarettes, and do our drugs. Drink our sorrows away, fuck the pain away, and live to die because we're all just dying to live. But I pray to God that one of these days, one of you will just get the inkling of courage to actually live for someone.
Because yes, you can burn your headlights out all you want. Just make sure that those busted headlights don't make it impossible for the car to drive.

Because one of these days, you'll find someone that you can live for. And all you can do is cling to them for as long as you have them, and pray they're doing the same for you. Because in the end, we're all alone, and all we have left is the memories of who we were and who we shared our living moments with. And goddamn, that's the only thing that really matters.

As for me?
Well, shit.
I'm ready to live for someone.